There are so many women that have lost their battle with PPD and it is absolutely gut wrenching. When I see or hear of someone losing their battle with PPD, I sit in silence. Now that I’ve experienced PPD and currently still going through it, I understand how people can succumb to it. Had I not opted into seeing a therapist or had a supportive mother who was constantly checking on my mental well being, I do not know what would have happened to me.
Last week I took my daughter to the grocery store with me as a little mommy and daughter outing since I wanted to bring her out the house. We picked up her favorite broccoli bites that were shaped like little dinosaurs. Her favorite oranges and milk. After our mini shopping spree, we stopped at the lake, which was within walking distance of my house. I hadn’t taken her to that lake in months and since she is now walking, I wanted to let her walk around the park. I watched her take her little steps. She leaned down to grab a handful of slightly wet grass ( it rained the day before), and dug her little sneakers in the mud. We weren’t out there too long due to the cold temperatures in Jersey. We were out there long enough for her nose to turn a slight shade of red, not as red as rudolphs’ though. I put her back into her carseat. I hopped into the driver seat and we continued the drive back home.
A week later, a news article popped in my emails stating that a 30-year old mother and a nine month old baby, was found in a car at the bottom of that same lake.
I thought about how my daughter and I just a week before stood at that same lake staring out into the vastness. I thought about all the many times I too sat in my car talking on the phone when having a breakdown or just sitting there yearning for some silence, in tears. I thought about how she was the same age as me. I thought about that little baby. I thought about how it was such a small world but how did I not know her? I cursed into my phone , “Got Dammmit”, because I knew, it was PPD. An article came out today confirming my assumptions. My heart.
PPD symptoms can vary and can be extreme. Unfortunately, we can find ourselves in tough situationss during our postpartum journey such as financial issues, co-parenting problems, abusive relationships…which makes it so much harder to heal. This is why it is important for mama’s to have support, to seek help, to know that it is okay to reach out for help. However, I fully understand that when you are going through PPD, it doesn’t feel like it is even possible to escape the feeling. I understand that someone may not have support. You don’t want to hear, “oh you’re okay” ” oh you’ll be fine”. You don’t want to hear that when you are battling depression. Your mind is screaming.
I’ve been there, but I want other’s to know that you are not alone in your battles and that this too shall pass, these feelings, will eventually pass. I want you to know that you are bigger than these thoughts. You are more than these feelings. You can fight this. Please take the steps to speak to someone, anyone that will listen. Hell, please feel free to reach out to me.
If you know someone that just had a little one or is going through postpartum depression, be there for them. Offer some support. Sometimes, women do not know that they are going through it. Sometimes others will not know a person is experiencing this because that mama has a way of hiding the pain behind her smiles. Conversations need to be had. This is not something to shove under a rug.
Please stop pushing this topic to the side. Let’s continue this conversation mama’s.
We have these beautiful little babies that need us.
*If you feel that you are in a crisis please reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline