They say that awareness is the first step in healing. I am here to say that I am aware that I am losing my hair. Yes. I said it. I tried to deny it. I tried to see passed the bald spot but the lack of hair around my temple was evident. You know those older men that are clearly bald but have little pieces of hair that they style on top of their heads still? That’s how I felt trying to hide that bald spot. This is a part of postpartum that I didn’t think would happen to me nor was I prepared for. Had I prepared myself for this, I would have nurtured my hair as soon as I gave birth to my child. Had I prepared myself, I would have doubled up on moisturizing and oiling my scalp. I didn’t plan to “bounce back” from having my baby so fast, but I just didn’t think about my hair falling out. I underestimated just how much having a baby takes out of your body. My body is still adjusting.

My hair thrived throughout my pregnancy and shortly after giving birth so I thought I was fine. Then came the fourth month of my postpartum where my hair became dry and brittle. I had my hair in a “protective style” called loc knots for well over two months since I went back to work and it was easier for me to manage. I saw the bald spots as soon as I took the style out. A friend of mine came into town and took pictures of Nova and I since she owned her own photography business and I prayed that my bald spots wouldn’t be so evident in the picture (the pictures aren’t finished yet so I am still waiting to see if it showed up).

One morning before work I realized that my locs were thinning from the root. One of these locs was so thin it looked like it was hanging on for dear life so I went ahead, grabbed some scissors, and cut it.

You know this hair is my shit

Rode the ride, I gave it time

But this here is mine

You know this hair is my shit

Rode the ride, I gave it time

But this here is mine

Solange, Don’t Touch My Hair

You have to understand that hair isn’t just hair for some women. Hair isn’t just hair for women that have locs either. My locs are over 10 years old. I started my loc journey right after graduating high school, June 2010. That was a transformative year for me. It was the beginning of a new time of my life. I went through sooo much with these locs. I cut them, I dyed them red, brown, black, BLONDE. I damaged them from dying them blonde but my hair never FELL OUT like this. I graduated with an Associate of Arts and then a Bachelor of Arts. I worked a retail job with a Bachelor Degree. I worked in Corporate America. I fell in love, fell out of love and had my heartbroken with these locs. So Imagine my face when I saw that bald spot, when I held the strand of locs in my hands.

I examined my locs and thought, “Damn should I shave the whole side of my head to balance things out?” . I imagined putting my hands in my hair and having each one of my locs fall out when I moved my hands from my scalp. They would just fall right into the sink like a scene from a horror movie and I would just end up completely bald. Help me. Those scissors were triggering. It made me want to cut every piece of hair from my head, but I didn’t. Atleast not yet.

I went ahead and brought some castor oil and other organic hair growth rememedies. I plan to really focus on nurturing my scalp even if I end up losing more of my locs. I was told that once my hair grows back I could crotchet the loc that fell out back in which makes me hopeful. Losing these locs could be another part of my loc journey and another story to tell my daughter when she gets older. This shedding feels as if I am shedding away my past life and making room for newness. If I really have to cut all of my hair off and start anew, I would trust the process. I am in another new stage of my life. When my daughter was born, I was born too.

So here’s to nurturing myself, my mind, my body, my spirit and my scalp. Here’s to becoming. Here’s to new beginnings. I plan to keep you posted on THIS part of my journey.