Toxicity within the Mom Club : Mom Shaming

Hey Mama, if you are feeling burnt out today, I’d like to share a quote that gave me a little pick me up this morning, that made me enjoy my morning cup of boobie latte. I came across a quote on pinterest that said the following and thought, I would love to give credit where credit is due, but it just says it is from the “Hot Moms Blog”.

Motherhood is not a competition to see who has the smartest kids, the cleanest house, the healthiest dinners, the nicest clothes, motherhood is YOUR journey with YOUR children

Hot Moms Blog

This quote resonated with me this morning because I had a fellow co-worker comment on how tired I looked as soon as I walked into the office. It doesn’t matter how/or when you gave birth. It doesn’t matter what age you gave birth. If a new mom says that they are tired, if they look tired, it doesn’t make their tired less significant because you had your first child at 37 or 45 years of age and they are 29. Just because I had my child at a younger age, does not make me immune to tiredness. Do not tell the tired mother who was up at night nursing their child and then got an appetite herself and THEN realized that they wanted a midnight snack but didn’t get back to sleep until 3:00am knowing full well that they had to be at work by 8:00am, that their tired is insignificant. Do not proceed to tell that new mom “You’re young, you’ll be fine”. Yes I am young, but my body doesn’t feel young in this moment bitch. A new mom telling you that they are tired is not an open invitation for you to chime in with stories of how your child was able to sleep because you gave them tylenol and then you judge the tired mom for not giving their child tylenol. No this isn’t a post to say that people mean well when they do this, because, honestly, people don’t always mean well. I don’t understand why mamas do this to eachother, it’s as if other mamas want a trophy for having a child that was able to sleep through the night or something?

My daughter and I

I say this to say that I think we need to address the low key toxicity within the “Mom Club”. I want those that do the “mom shaming” to know that, what you did with your child, doesn’t mean someone else needs to do it too. Mom shaming is a real thing. You can be mom shamed even when you are pregnant btw. That’s how it starts. That’s how they get you. You can recevie unsolicited advice during your pregnancy and then when you do not adhere to that advice, you are looked at as crazy. This is why I take every unsolicited advice with a grain of salt.

This global pandemic will also cause many mama’s to be victim of “mom shaming”, especially if you decide to bring your child out in public. I have to call myself out on this one though because I did it. Before I had my daughter, I was silently judging other mamas. ( You will find me calling myself out on my shit in this post because I’ve learned my lesson). At one point, I refused to bring my newborn baby out in public during this pandemic, but I am finally starting to explore taking her out in public spaces for my sanity, and hers. She enjoys being outside with me. I walked into a store the other day while holding her to pick up a photo order and she looked around in amazement while in the store. I’m sure there were other moms out there looking at me like, “My goodness! Why did she bring this child in the store?!” and that’s okay. It’s totally okay.

I vowed to never do screen time with my child when I was pregnant and silently judged other mamas for it, but let me tell you, I will plop my daughter down in front of the TV and turn on Sesame Street with no hesistation. I had a huge piece of humble pie when I became pregnant. Let me humble you sis, when you have that beautiful babe you realize, hey, I get a couple of minutes of sanity when I turn on the TV and I am going to take it.

Let’s also talk about mom shaming “single mothers” because it’s a thing too. I am not only apart of the new “mom club” but I am a member of the “single mother” one too. Let me tell you, this is a journey in itself and people will mom shame you because of your decision to be one. Let me just say that, before you judge a single mother, there are a lot of married women that are single mothers but don’t even know it.

If you are a victim of mom shaming please don’t let the person doing the shaming make you second guess your decision making. If you want to have your child on a strict healthy diet, go ahead sis. If you don’t care about what your child eats, that’s fine too. If you want to feed your child formula over breastfeeding, that’s totally okay, a fed baby is best, and breastfeeding is hard as hell. I’m not knocking you sis, what works for you may not work for someone else. I can not judge any mother for what they decide to do with their child. If a new mom comes to you, just listen. please. just listen and be very careful with your advice.

& also,

Happy Black Maternal Health Week!

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