I discovered a new bookstore the other day. It was a very charming bookstore with more children’s books than adult books. There was an adorable section for children to sit and read a book of their choice. I ended up leaving that bookstore with two “Bluey” books to read to my daughter. I captured a video of downtown and used that video as a backdrop of a TikTok. I don’t know where these words came from. I just stepped outside of that bookstore and had an epiphany. I wrote, “Can we talk about how good it feels when people pleasers finally get to the point where they are truly comfortable with who they are and do not look to others for validation and stop giving AF? Because that’s me”. Something about that little bookstore, made me relax into myself. Hi, I’m Nacia and I am a recovering people pleaser, which means that I spent the majority of my life taking care of others’ needs instead of my own in hopes of being likable and keeping the peace, but I am finally at the point of my life where I no longer have that need. Being a people pleaser does more harm than good. In my case, I found myself in situations where, if I hadn’t been a people pleaser, I would have avoided it. For instance, inviting “friends” over my home in my early 20’s and then getting ignored by these “friends” that opted to go to a party instead but still wanting to be their “friend” OR staying in relationships that were for obvious reasons not healthy for me in fear of disappointing the person that I was “in love with”. Even working late hours, taking on responsibility, when you do not want to in hopes of impressing your boss and co workers, when really they do not care at all. Being a “people pleaser” stems from a deep rooted insecurity. We look to others for validation instead of knowing that we are whole and okay without anyone’s opinion. I believe my healing journey here on the blog has allowed me to practice so much self-love to the point where I no longer cared about what anyone else thought of me. Without self-love, how can I fully show up for myself and my needs? How can I set boundaries? I am so glad that I started my healing journey here and began to pour into myself. Pouring into myself, allowed my confidence to grow in ways that I never imagined. I poured into myself by going to therapy, finding new hobbies, reading more, standing up for myself at work, spending more time with myself. I lost a lot of friends and associates too, but that is okay. Sometimes that happens when you are healing. Not everyone can go along with a new version of you. I can no longer allow myself to be a doormat and let others walk over me. Maybe it’s because I am finally in my 30’s and realizing that validation is no longer needed. Maybe, it’s because I am much more comfortable with who I am. Maybe it’s therapy or a combination of all of these things. Sigh. A note to my people pleasers, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to be true to yourself and your needs. I hope to discuss this with you all more here on the blog.
Happy Healing Folks.