“Healing is not Linear.” I think when we understand that, the second part of life begins. This phrase stuck with me after my therapy session because I thought, I thought I was doing a bit better then before, I was taking notes, showing up for myself, journaling, and then… after my session I realized, that there was much more work needed to be done. That’s what happens when you really focus on putting in the work to heal. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but I need to feel it. You think that you are okay, that all is well with your soul, but then something triggers you, something is still rooted inside of you which makes you take a step back and face it. I thought I was doing soooo damn good. I was sharing my journey with you, giving you advice, and I am still giving my all to you. I am educating myself on my healing journey and sharing what I’ve learned with you. I learned that, I still have a lot more work to do.

If you listen to Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club. Charlamagne Tha God (Yes I know I a lot of people don’t really like him, I get it) , he said, “I believe in God, but I believe in Therapy too.” I believe in prayer, but I believe in receiving extra help to get through something too.

I’m having a hard time with this postpartum journey. Yes, I’m admitting it. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes while I am writing this. I don’t hear a lot of women admitting this. We have other mamas that post cute pictures on social media but they aren’t being honest with their journey. Let’s speak on it. More women should openly talk about this because this transition, this becoming, this change, is not an easy adjustment. Let me explain this, it’s not the “motherhood” part that I need to adjust to. I am fully capable of taking care of my baby and I have to admit that I am a damn good mother to my little one. It’s the adjustment with myself. For the past 15 months, I have been fully committed to my baby. I say 15 months because, I was fully committed to my pregnancy and now with Nova being 6 months, but what about me? Me as a woman, me separate from my baby. I am not the woman I was before I had my baby. Before my baby, I was into taking care of myself and pampering myself. Now? Oh boy I haven’t put makeup on in weeks it seems. My body is not the same. I’m being 100% candid with you by sharing that I am suffering from Diastasis recit. What is that you ask? It is when the uterus stretches the muscles in your adomen which causes a separation of your muscles. So yes, I have a fupa and it looks weird, and it’s just…I look pregnant still. I need to be more gentle with myself because I am still healing. I just pushed a baby out six fucking months ago! The hormones, the emotions, are overwhelming and no matter how hard I try, the anxiety is still there. I am working on this. I am working through this. I can do it.

me, 6 months postpartum

Hell yeah. I am putting in the work.

If you follow me on instagram you would see that I am now working out more. I am pacing myself. I am being kind to my body. I am taking yoga classes, running miles and learning how to use new machines at the gym. I am joining group exercise classes to connect with other people as well. I need some connection. Exercising and Therapy are my acts of self love right now. I plan to do soo much more, including laughing. Laughter is just as healing. When is the last time you had a really good laugh? I’m talking about a good, lean your head back to the sky, slap your knees, laugh. I think we all need to do more of that.

I share this part of my journey with you to say that healing is not glitz and glam. It’s not easy, it’s work but at the end of the day it’s worth it. I am making progress because of the work I am putting in. You have to fully be committed to working on yourself and your personal goals outside of being a mother. We are nurting our babies , but we need to nurture ourselves too.

I hope you all had a wonderful Sunday. I hope you had a moment to reflect and take care of you.

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